Diary of an Employee

A genuine, real life account of one boys time as an employee at Pleasurewood Hills in the 1980's. The following are extracts from "Portrait of a Schoolboy" kindly provided by: www.david-matthews.com.

15th August 1983

Today I was on the “Death Slide”. It is a sheer drop of seven foot before it levels out. There were about five burns up to about 1.30pm, but it was only because they didn’t do as I said, or they went down without a T-shirt, even with my warning!

17th August 1983

I am cheerful and hopeful in the mornings, but then I was told that I was on the Bish and Bash again. I was more prepared than yesterday because I brought a book and the day went quite quickly, but I paid for my contentment because Charles, a foreman, warned me about my book at 12.30pm, and then at 3.30pm he saw me again with it.

I opened the conversation, “About the book,” and I explained that I do my job properly, but it gets unbearably boring. He said he likes reading as well, but if I value my job I won’t read. I do value my job but I also value my sanity. That would have been a good answer but it didn’t come to me then.

11th September 1983

The B.B.C.’s Radio One Roadshow came to Pleasurewood Hills, and I felt sick at the end of the day because I had been conned out of an interview on the radio. At 3.45 a maintenance man came up the Death Slide and said, “Go and get your bread mate.”

I came back from my break early because I suspected what was going to happen and when I got back. Tony Blackburn was up there, and Charles my foreman was interviewed. He didn’t say much except his name and what the slide was made of but I felt sick.

18th September 1983

At the end of the day at Pleasurewood Hills I asked the manager, “Can I have a few words? I have a great idea which will be a great publicity stunt and also raise money for charity. Why not enter Woody Bear (the mascot of the park) for a half marathon.” He thought it a good idea except that he doesn’t think I’ll be able to do it. He said, “You’ll need a twelve man relay team to get him through.”

Later on I tried the costume on. I saw the manager and said I could do it but the feet were to big. Another man said, “We could get another pair of shoes for you and cover it in felt.” Mr Larter, the owner of Pleasurewood Hills, said, “What’s this?” - so Mr Barnard the manager explained. Then Mr. Larter said to me, “It certainly would be a great promotion gimmick and charity raiser.”

9th August 1984

Shawn advised me that we ought to tell our boss about Vernon. He’s an absolute manic on the Vereran Cars, lifting the handle up to start them when people are half way in the car. I’ve witnessed his madness, and also when I relieve Vernon for his dinner I find that people getting in and out the cars, are hesitant and afraid - looking at me to see if I am going to lift the handle.

But my concern for the public didn’t go as far as reporting him, because no doubt if Vernon didn’t do the Veteran Cars, I would do the job more regularly, and I prefer doing the “Crazy Golf”. When I relieved Vernon today I simply said, “John (our boss) said would you buck up.” That made him sit up.

13th August 1984

I’m quite enjoying Pleasurewood Hills at the moment, but even so my day was livened up when this boy from the Veteran Cars came to chat to me. There’s this plastic orange in the “Crazy Golf” hut, and as I was handing out change to people, he was handing out the golf stuff.

I’ve never laughed so much for ages when he gave this boy a golf club and a plastic orange instead of a golf ball. The boy went off and played with it.